The Scenic Wasteland

News flash!

2010-10-23T11:57:00.001+01:00

The blogs coming back!

Iv'e just realised that it's quite some time since my last day 'on the blog'. So with a story that needs finishing, a mind full of crazyness to purge and a years worth of news in the can, its time for The Scenic Wasteland to return. With so much to talk about and so little time in the day, i'd best start by telling you all that...i'm off to watch the mighty Spurs beat Everton!

Till next time (soon)

The hidden track of life...(part 1)

2009-01-11T21:46:00.021Z

I thought I would have a go at writing a short(ish) story. Hope you like it.

20:37...

'DAD!' A single ear piercing screech fills the air.

'Holy mother of god! What? What did I tell you about shouting at me when I'm asleep!' a simple concept I thought I'd got across the last time I nearly DIED of a heart attack.

'What's wrong now?'

My son had just arrived back from his weekly football practice and was frantically kicking a ball around the room. 'Dad, look what I can do! Kick ups!' The ball flew through the air bouncing from wall to wall, floor to foot to hand, everywhere basically but...up. 'Remind me to run you through the finer points of kick ups sometime, because I feel you're missing the point somewhere.' My son looked up, blankly.

If I'm honest, my football skills have always been on a par with a gammy hoofed, lame, pissed up donkey with a nervous twitch in all four legs, but right now football is the least of my priorities.

Slowly but surely I crawl out of the sofa, which for the last 3 months since losing my job has become like a second home to me. Who would have guessed that the world would gain its first black president and the sorting office where I work would be the target of the only confirmed UFO attack, all in the same month! Not me that's for sure. This week I will do the lottery.

So, some people would call me a man of habit. I have to disagree. Only this very morning my usual 2 cups of coffee and a bacon sandwich became 3 cups and a sausage and egg! Sometimes I surprise myself with the spontaneity I'm capable of. As a way of balance, I'll only take the one newspaper to the toilet today...

20:54...

A Man...His kingdom...His throne.

A man has one true haven. Away from the hustle and bustle of everyday life lies an Oasis. A porcelain oasis exhibiting the beauty of Armitage and the functionality of Shanks. The final resting place of the once great King of Rock and Roll - only ever had pins and needles myself - the pinnacle of relaxation. So there is no denying it. I, like every true male, enjoys a good crap. Ignoring the certainty of a gore fueled TV series from the finest Bollywood producer - a messy episode from yesterdays curry - today is no exception. All that stood between me and an evening of ecstasy was...

The door...

To be continued......

No mans land...

2008-12-29T19:06:00.003Z

So whose idea was it to put New Year so close to Christmas?

It's bad enough that I have to do so much thinking for a singular day in december, but i'm then expected to be ready for New Year less than a week later! I seriously dont even know what day it is right now, yet soon, people are gonna be expecting me to know that we're in 2009! What happened to 2008?

I'm guessing the key to ths end of year malarky is to prioritise one over the other. This year i opted for Christmas, partly because it was first in line but mainly because I completely forgot about New year.
So what was 2008 all about then?

First black president of The United States of America, Barack Obama!
The Olympics!
Worlds first pregnant bearded (wo)man!
New Kids On The Block reformed!!! Woo!

So many wonderful memories, it makes me wonder how I ever managed to contain myself this year. How can 2009 ever manage to top 2008? Well were off to a shaky start. Experts are predicting that 2009 is set to become one of 5 of the hottest years in history! Now at the moment I can appreciate the idea of a bit of warmth but we all know what will happen when it gets here...(cue moaning).

A few personal highlights for me next year.
30th bday (highlight?)
Summer fishing
and...Little boy Ings making an appearance!

So with the time counting down to the end of this year and me still wallowing in the no mans land that is this week. I bid you all...

Happy new year (nearly)

The Ghost of Christmas Present

2008-12-25T19:31:00.006Z

Thurs 25th December....

Some days fly by, others feel like they last forever. Christmas day has it's own time frame. Every hour makes perfect sense and every minute has a certain purpose.

Whether you love or hate Christmas day, remember this, It only comes once a year.

Merry Christmas!

A case of mistaken identity

2008-12-19T20:06:00.005Z

Well now we've seen everything. A man has had a baby!

MAN????

Who exactly are they trying to kid? Lets break this one down.

Step one - Remove breasts...Check

Step two - Grow a beard...Check

Step three - Remove womans genitalia and replace with male.......errrrrm

Now unless I'm missing something, all this constitutes to is a bearded, flat chested woman!

Please don't get me wrong. I don't want to come across as prejudiced at all, I'm all in favour of a happy family and I'd like to think I'm accepting of anyones choices. My only problem is the way this has all become so huge! It's essentially a woman...having...a baby.

So legally "he" is a man. Genetically and physically, "he" is still a woman, with a beard. The media have got hold of a minor curiosity and gone running with it. It seems what should have been the 100m sprint got out of hand and ended up a marathon.

If anyone has got the wrong idea about any of this, let me spell it out. The media are the media and they print stories that people generally want to read. What Ive yet to work out is when did a bearded pregnant woman become so interesting?

As a final note, I would like to wish the proud parents and their child all the happiness in the world. It's a crazy world full of crazy days and whats needed is happy people and for now, there are a few more.

So media...over to you.

Keristmas time

2008-12-11T14:15:00.007Z

Cliff Richard, Mariah Carey, East 17 (in their nice white fluffy coats. Good move lads!)
All of these signify the run up to Christmas, all I need now is to sit down to (half) watch 'The Snowman' and it'll officially be Christmas for me. My next port of call is to find out if there is a Christmas special only fools and horses on the TV, for without the mighty DEL BOY Christmas just isn't the same. Maybe its the Londoner in me, but life just isn't the same without at least one annual dose of Del and Rodders.

Every year I'm surprised by something. This very moment my ears are being assaulted by Cascadas version of the classic Wham track - Last Christmas. Andrew Ridgeley must be turning in his grave...what do you mean he's not dead? Ok, George Micheal will be turning in...no? Ok George Micheal will probably be rolling around a toilet cubicle with his Ipod firmly attached to his lug holes, but that's his choice! You go girl!

So as I reach the end of my first Christmas post and am reminded of the early days of my life being paraded to family friends whilst doing my greatest impression of Shakin' Stevens (I was very young!). I will wish you all a very MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Human potential

2008-12-08T18:23:00.001Z

Do you or I ever truly reach our full potential?

When everyday is filled with missed opportunities. Every irksome deed becomes the fuel for a lengthy tirade and the opportunity to cut a corner hits you and prevails.

Does life really have to be this way?

What makes you happy? Seeing someone happy? Making someone happy? Making yourself happy? We all have the potential to be happy.

So where is the link between happiness and potential?

Well, when do you do your best work?

When you're happy?

Or when you're Sad?

I'm gonna assume you said happy. All you miserable bastards can piss off now.

As far as I can tell, we work better when we're happy because this is the time that we care. We care about the quality of what we're doing. We care about what other people think. Basically when we're unhappy, we just couldn't give a shit! Even the most basic of tasks becomes a mountain to overcome.

So to reach our full potential we should do things when we're happy. Whats that you say? We cant be happy all the time? Well no we can't but we can fool our mind into thinking were happy. It's about changing our way of thinking and to do this we have to think back to a time when we were happy. Simple!

Whether you're at home or at work, a moment taken to remember a time you felt good about yourself, or something you previously did will bring about those same feelings prior to taking on a new task. With that thought in mind, start to think about one of those times...are you thinking about that thought? I thought so...so keep thinking, now think about something you need to do and transfer the previous good thought onto the new thought and there you go!
Simply put, if you felt good about something you previously did, you now know that you can feel the same way again.

Whenever I tidy up, It feels good when I'm done. I try to remember that before I start...Motivation!

SO, Accomplishment = happiness. Happiness = Caring. Caring = Full potential.
Full potential = HAPPINESS!

Now go be happy!

World AIDS Day

2008-12-01T18:14:00.005Z

So December 1st is world Aids day. I thought I'd take a minute to think about this and pass something onto you all.

UNAIDS estimates that as of December 2000, there were an estimated 36.1 million people living with HIV/AIDS (34.7 million adults and 1.4 million children under 15). Since the epidemic began, an estimated 21.8 million people have died of AIDS (17.5 million adults and 4.3 million children under 15). (http://www.aids.org)

This is a staggering amount of people and I can only guess that the real number is far greater than the estimate. Everybody knows that something needs to be done. I have no answers, but there are many many organisations doing amazing work all around the world. Support for sufferers continues to get better day by day but there is still a long way to go.

So along with many other terminal diseases, I can only hope that a cure will one day, be found.

Please, once you have read this post, take a moment to think about these adults, children and families all around he world.

Thank you

Welcome!

2008-11-27T17:48:00.003Z

A big welcome to The Scenic Wastelands first 2 followers!

Chief and Don5999

Hope I can keep you both interested.

You...

2008-11-26T21:13:00.006Z

Answer these questions...

1. What is your name?

2. How old are you?

Simple? Yes

3. Are you medically trained? (If yes this post does not apply to you).

4. What is the capital of Great Britain?

5. What size shoe are you?

Still simple? YES!

6. Where is your elbow?

7. Where is your ankle?

8. Where is your heart?

Siiiiiiimpllllllllle!

9. Name the different sections of your intestine

10. What function does your Appendix actually have?

11. What do arteries do?

Maybe not so simple huh?

Ok so my point is that our health relies on the well being of our own body, yet most people know so little about it.

If we understood more about ourselves, would we be fitter/stronger/healthier?

Is this a case where ignorance is anything but bliss?

I have no idea, but I've decided to try and learn more about whats actually going on in there...well until i get bored and decide I'm gonna do something else.

If you have any body facts you want to share with me. Fell free!

An observation about violent games

2008-11-24T23:25:00.002Z

OK so I'm sat here after one hell of a crazy day tryin to wind down with a session on the Xbox, in particular Saints Row 2. After a good 10 minutes of kidnapping hoes, 5-6 mins mowing people down in a pickup truck whilst listening to what I can only describe as the best goddamn funk I've heard in a long time and an all too brief stint of hacking people up with a chainsaw, I've come to the realisation that, yes, this is fun, but would I do this in real life? NO! Why? I have a conscience that's why. I actually feel kinda bad for the pixels running screaming as I chase them with a blazing shotgun only for them to be smeared across the pavement and permanently implanted there with my pixelated size 9.

So I'm thinking. So many atrocities are blamed on these sorts of games, who would really do these things for real?

Then it occurs to me...

A STUPID FUCKING IDIOT!

Then i think. How many STUPID FUCKING IDIOTS have I met in my life?

...ALOT!

Should we be worried? Hell no! For a start, most of them are too lazy to get off their fat arses in the first place. Then there's the fact that most of their time is taken up with pestering me at work..."The cat food is in the other corner sir" and finally, well, they are just too stupid to get away with anything.

So if you're out walking, minding your own business, you should be ok. Unless of course you happen to be wearing your favourite purple velvet pimp suit that day.

That's just asking for it.